Back to the Basics.

There was someone that wanted to come look at my horse.  She cancelled on me today, but...perhaps Monday she said she could come and look.  But I brought Renata to a different barn because the lady said she would like to look at her Saturday.

I went to go get her at my friend's house, the one who graciously let's me use her paddock while conditioning.  But, I needed to take her to my friend Denise's barn, who has an arena so anyone who wants to try her out can if they want.  Usually when I go to put a halter on, she runs from me and I make her run until she gives in and lets me put a halter on her face, that day...she came to me.  She put her face in the halter and my soul winced a bit.  I just wished she would run from me so I could sell her and be done.  But she didn't run, she came to me.  Ugh, whatever. 

I rode her yesterday.  She is off her heat cycle and now has energy, especially since she hadn't been worked in a week.  She didn't want to do anything but canter.  Not my favorite gait with her and her spooky tendencies, but it was all she really could do and that is what we did.  We cantered, and cantered, and cantered...I think it was a good half hour before she was really done.  Does that count the entire 15 min I tried to trot her in a circle and she wasn't having it...at least not anything civil????  So, was I jumping the gun and seeing a horse in her worst behavior, not feeling well while she was in heat??   

Today I went back to the barn and tried to ride her.  She had so much energy (understand...she is in good shape, I have been riding her 4 days a week, 3 of those out on the trails mostly trotting 3 hours at a time...) I rode her for a while, cantered her in circles, trotted her in circles.  Finally...got off and lunged her for a while until I could see her break a sweat...it took some time!  Then hopped on her again to ride her in a civil and collected manner.  Then my friend put up poles for me to try and jump, and jump we did!!  Not very well at first...she doesn't see the point, but we had a couple of good jumps in there.  Listen people...I don't jump big things...maybe a ft. high and THAT IS IT!!! But she thought it was fun.  I did too.  It was like I was back to the basics.  Playing with the horses, riding, doing what we love.

I think the horse world swallowed me up.  So worried about what I looked like while riding,  wondering constantly if I am doing it right, worried if I might wreck this horse that has good training...but believe me I realize I know nothing (seriously, I know nothing...I don't claim to know ANYTHING)...but..WHO CARES??  Just riding and having fun.  It was FUN!  I was getting to know my mare.  She was getting to know me.  She was having fun too.
I might hold on to her for a bit.  My heart hurts to think she might be bonding with me, then just to hand her over to someone else.  I am not saying I couldn't find her a good home, but maybe just some time getting to know and trust each other in an arena would be good for both of us.  Maybe for her, asking her to do all that river crossing, trotting long distances in the woods was a bit too much because she didn't know or trust me and I didn't really know or trust her.

So, I don't do a race in May.  So what?  There  is a race in August.  Let's slow things down a bit.  Not worry about early goals.  Let's relax a bit and get to know each other. Let's create a bond before asking bigger things.  I think she is showing me that is who she is.  God as created us as individuals, we are all so different aren't we??  Each and everyone unique and amazing.  I see that in my own kids.  He creates animals in the same way.  This mare might just need a little time and 2 months of getting to know her new owner just wasn't enough for her to start racing around in the woods.

Lots of change for me.  No more horse shows, or grooming for my dear friend.  It's strangely quiet in my house.  But, it's good...it's settling to my soul.  I won't be living in the horse world of building alliances and wondering who your friends are.  Wondering who might stab you in the back at any time.  That world makes me edgy and paranoid.  Just today (after leaving the horse world completely) I get a call asking if a rumor was true... and was I really working for another barn in the area??  I got off the phone and had a good cry.   This exactly was the reason for my paranoia in this world and NO I am not going crazy!!

The last 2 days I have been riding my horse in a quiet, backyard arena, a little no name barn that just loves everything about horses.  It's back to the basics.  It's where I belong.  I don't care if anyone knows my name.  I want my kids to share this joy!  I want to take my kids on long trail rides through the woods and in the mountains, over creeks and along high ridge tops.  No better view to see God's creation.  I don't care if they ride correctly, I just want them to enjoy God's creation on the top of a horse.

I am going back to my roots, and it feels very good.