It's December, the last month of the year. Let's take a look back at the year, and let's go month by month...
January--Todd had just bought me my first horse for Christmas, I went with a friend to the Pacific Northwest Endurance Riders Conference the middle of January and learned a ton of things about my sport. It was a good kick off to the year. Also, my oldest had just turned 11. I can't believe she is getting so big,
February-- Hmmm, what happened in Feb?? Oh! I started this blog. I had just started to condition my new horse and get to know her. I had big plans to do two 50 mile rides this year. But, she was a freak and wouldn't stop spooking!! We were out riding by ourselves and I was sure I was going to end up on the ground with something broken. I wasn't impressed with my new horse, but was trying to stick it out.
March--I quit the life I had lived for nearly 3 years. I quit cleaning and grooming, and anything to do with the professional horse world. I learned it is cut throat, even those that seem nice will smile sweetly while stabbing you in the back. It is a disgusting world and even though losing friends that I thought I had, it eliminated all the drama in my life. It was a hard lesson though, but necessary, and I ended up moving my horse to a different barn that had an arena in hopes to be able to show and sell her. This month I also met new horse people, kind people, trust worthy people...even though I didn't know it yet. These horse people are different, they encourage each other to ride their horses, be better moms, wives, people, they are encouragers and don't talk mean about others behind their backs. This was the month of a lot of change, I am thankful for this month!
April--A month of healing. Rode a lot, took homeschooling my kids at my own pace. It was weird to have a ton of free time, but this is where I was learning that my life needed balance and I hadn't had it for a long time. I chose my kids over horses, the way it should be. We had a particularly warm April and we spent a lot of time at the beach this month. I learned to savor the moment. It was a good month.
May-- More healing, more riding. Finished up schooling for the year and played outside with my girls often. Did a lot of fishing. A month to enjoy family.
June-- I took Reagan horse camping, Todd spent time with Heidi, it was wonderful calm before the storm. The next several weeks I took friends and family out trail riding every chance I could and we enjoyed the warm days and togetherness. This month my sister in law, who was so much more than that title, took her own life. She suffered from bipolar disorder and she had been struggling with depression for quite some time. It felt as though I was punched in the gut when I received the news. It has been 5 months, I am starting to feel normal but I still have sad days. How do you explain to anyone what it is like to lose someone you love that much? I too, struggle with depression, and I realize how important it is to be on my medication. My sister hated taking meds, if she would have taken them, she would still be alive today. I have to add that in because, in our church world...many Christians do not believe in medication or that depression really exists. Wake up people, it exists and yes, the proper medication can change lives for the better. *steps off of soap box*
July--Well, to be honest...July is a weird haze. I don't know how I got through it or remember much about that month. I rode my horse once I think, before she rolled and got her leg caught up in electric rope and then was lame...for the next 5-6 weeks. Not much riding. But tons of taking the kids out to the lake for tubing. That was fun, especially when you learn that your family means more to you than you ever realized. That comes to light after losing someone.
August--More of the same. My friend Leslie was here (after moving to South Carolina) and her mother wasn't doing well, I hung out with her. I didn't have anything else to do and I missed my friend, we spent a lot of time at the hospital. Todd was gone on a trip and the girls were in Alaska, so it was good that I had something to do. ;-) I actually think this was the end of July and August but those months are so hazy and I didn't blog much, I can't really remember everything. Oh! We had a family wedding we attended, that was so nice, a great change of pace in the middle of dark grief. We laughed a lot and it was a beautiful wedding. I was so thankful we were able to go.
September--I put my kids in public school. One thing I can say about grief, sometimes you do what you need to do to survive it. Going through this and mourning my sister in law, I have much mercy for others...you haven't a clue what kind of battles people are fighting. Everyone has battles, everyone has a story...I am not saying that we all should act like victims, but I am more quick to hand people the grace and mercy I wish they would bestow upon me. Oh, and I moved my horse to a different barn...more of that lying horse people crap...this time I already knew it...you can only ride that train so long before the crazy gets directed at you. Now I am at a private acreage, it is quiet and literally NO DRAMA. I just need my own horse trailer in the worst way.
October-- Learning about my kids being in school, still busy...just of different sorts. Working in the school when I can and going to meetings for the school every chance. The public school curriculum leaves a lot to be desired. There is cursing in the Springboard 6th grade literature book. Crying shame, so much good lit out there, sad what they are giving to our kids. It has given the girls and I much to talk about, never a dull moment at the dinner table. For once I get to be my oldest daughter's heroine instead of fighting with her constantly when helping her with her school work. I also went to a wine and ride camping trip with a friend over in Yakima. It could have been better...but it was still fun! My brother in law came up with a few of his kids and did a hunting trip with Todd, I hated seeing them go, tried not to cry too much as they got in the truck and headed back to the airport. I look forward to seeing them next August. Love my family!
November--My birthday month, I am now 36. I don't feel like it though, I still think I am in my late 20's. Although, the silver in my hair that is showing up says differently. My body doesn't bounce back like it used to either. Youth is wasted on the young for sure!
This month, on my birthday actually...we ended up in the hospital with my youngest daughter, Reagan. She had double pneumonia, had we waited any longer to take her in, we could have easily lost her. We spent a full 7 days in the hospital. So many people came together across the nation praying for our little girl. We thank everyone for their prayers and we thank our heavenly Father for healing her. She is nearly 100% back to normal...and she is back at home with me homeschooling. She'd been asking to come home, and I can't risk her getting sick again at school. It will be a while before her immune system is back to normal.
We also had our family over for Thanksgiving. It was warm and wonderful, we always enjoy having them, lots of laughing and playing cards, lounging around, what more can you ask for??? Hoping to have more of the family for Thanksgiving next year.
December--House is decorated! Tree is up, it is the ending of another year. Thanking the Lord for a beautiful roof over our heads and heat in this cold season.
Over all for us here, it has been a pretty S*@$#&% year! Sorry, but that is all there really is to describe what our family has been through. But also, so much to be thankful for! I have made new and wonderful friends, for those new beginnings, I am thankful.
Something I have learned this year, I am a capable mother. I am! Going through all of this has brought me to this. I carried the weight of the children's education solely on my shoulders and cared so deeply what other thought about where my kids went to school it made me physically ill. To feel like you have to ask permission to do anything or put your kids in any school is ridiculous and I don't need that burden on me anymore. My family is Todd and I, then the kids. What we do with our kids is our business. We are responsible to the Lord for how we raise them, and no one else. Will people talk? Yep. They will. But, this year has helped me to grow a thick skin, and I really do not care.
I had a dear friend share with me what she thought of me pulling Reagan out of school, and how I shouldn't do that. All of the sudden, I realized that I didn't really care what she thought. I also didn't worry about our relationship if I did it and she didn't agree. I realized that it is absolutely exhausting caring about what other people think. It is much easier doing what Todd and I feel is best.
It has been a hard year. But, all of these things beginning with leaving the horse world until now has been an ongoing lesson for me. I started this blog talking about my journey to Tevis, but this year really was my journey through grief and to freedom. Next year...I begin my journey to Tevis. I really do plan to do 2 50 mile rides, and won't you cheer me on? I hope to blog more since I am feeling a little better. Looking forward to a more positive 2015.
The Tevis Cup
Someday, I will earn that buckle...
Monday, December 1, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Lots of Change
Lots of change, for the good around here. Just recently I moved my horse to a new farm. It's quiet, no one there to give me constant advice that I didn't ask for. It will be my mare's permanent home until we purchase property of our own. I can come and go as I please without worrying about someone telling me how to load and unload horses, what type of food I am "allowed" to feed my horse, and what truck I am allowed to use for hauling. Trust me, the people of the horse world have many, MANY opinions and they are all very STRONG ones, and it is often their way or the highway.
I had a person tell me that some friends of mine COULD NOT use this particular saddle on a horse (trust me, I looked at it, it was FINE) because it would be terrible and hurt the horse's back. Then went on to make up a story about what COULD happen, then somehow actually believed the story she made up of what could happen. Yet, she gave this crappy training (worthless) English saddle to a kid in need--then bragged about her good Samaritan self. It just becomes absolutely obnoxious dealing with the horse world. I am not sure if it is a constant need to lord their perceived knowledge over people as the end all be all... and it somehow gives them self-worth or what exactly the deal is? I try to let people know I have my own ways and my own opinions and I will do things my own way and tell them nicely, but really it boils down to finding friends who let you go about your own business, do things your own way without being in your face constantly. As long there won't be any harm to the animal or safety issues for yourself, who cares? I have had horse friends who ride 10 horses a day who really know for the most part what the heck they are doing, but still feel the need to control all aspects of how and what you do with your horse and how your friendship/relationship will be...mostly if it is convenient for their world, which is really no relationship at all. Then I have had horse friends who own horses and are scared out of their mind to ride, yet feel the need to teach you all about the right ways to ride, what equipment to use and blah, blah, blah. Both sorts are narcissistic and exhausting to deal with. I have learned that I can have peace within my world of love and passion for horses as long as I am not attached to a place where I am keeping my horse for a service that I am providing. As long as people feel they own you to some degree and you have no where else to go, they will abuse that. It isn't just me either, I just helped a friend of mine move her horses 3 days ago dealing with the exact same stuff. Geesh. Ridiculous.
Dealing with the grief over losing someone I loved so much is about all I can handle these days. It is getting easier and the waves are farther apart. But anything else in life sometimes is too much, which makes me wipe my slate clean. Any extra drama and I am gone. No need to stay in an abusive situation.
On another note, the girls are doing well in school. It has been a learning curve, but they are actually learning and some of the work is harder than I thought it would be. I work at school in Reagan's class during the week, it is good to see how busy they are and how much work they are covering in school. Already Reagan says she is looking forward to homeschooling next year, haha she was the one that was the most excited to go. The novelty has worn off. There are things I don't like, such as little 2nd graders that use the F word...how lovely. Then of course, there are some things in their curriculum that I don't appreciate, like "pre-history"---emm, huh?? What is that?? Isn't that an oxy-moron?? I am writing that up to chat with the teacher in teacher conferences. Cave men is what Heidi studying for history. Oh brother, I don't care if she fails that at all. We have our own curriculum about the beginning of man, it's called the Bible. But, I really like Heidi's Math and Science teacher, super happy about her and she is very conservative and is wonderful to work with. Reagan's teacher isn't warm and fuzzy but she is good at what she does.
My friend who also does my horse's feet will be coming home from vacation soon. Next week we start up real conditioning for the horses. Tues/Thur riding out in Alpine so horses will be ready for racing in May. Normally I wouldn't even be starting conditioning until Feb, but...why not? I didn't race this year so it's not like we are on a break.
My week days are becoming booked. It's shocking that not homeschooling or working you could fill up your days, but I do! From now until December I will be working with the church getting the living Nativity together, pulling costumes and gathering people and animals to participate in it. That takes up a lot of my days. Then there is small group at our house on Tuesdays, and then conditioning my horse and also working in the school. Things get busy! But it is good busy, the kind of busy that puts me right where I should be. It is allowing me to be busy with out any drama and I am able to heal.
Through everything I can thank the Lord for many things. Even for giving me life, for waking up the next day to be able to put my feet on the floor, jog down the stairs and hugs my girls when they get up. Thankful to be able to make coffee and pour my husband a cup and tell him thank you for providing for our family. I saw something today that said, "Be thankful for the little things, for one day they will be the big things." I have learned this is true. Focusing on thankfulness today.
I had a person tell me that some friends of mine COULD NOT use this particular saddle on a horse (trust me, I looked at it, it was FINE) because it would be terrible and hurt the horse's back. Then went on to make up a story about what COULD happen, then somehow actually believed the story she made up of what could happen. Yet, she gave this crappy training (worthless) English saddle to a kid in need--then bragged about her good Samaritan self. It just becomes absolutely obnoxious dealing with the horse world. I am not sure if it is a constant need to lord their perceived knowledge over people as the end all be all... and it somehow gives them self-worth or what exactly the deal is? I try to let people know I have my own ways and my own opinions and I will do things my own way and tell them nicely, but really it boils down to finding friends who let you go about your own business, do things your own way without being in your face constantly. As long there won't be any harm to the animal or safety issues for yourself, who cares? I have had horse friends who ride 10 horses a day who really know for the most part what the heck they are doing, but still feel the need to control all aspects of how and what you do with your horse and how your friendship/relationship will be...mostly if it is convenient for their world, which is really no relationship at all. Then I have had horse friends who own horses and are scared out of their mind to ride, yet feel the need to teach you all about the right ways to ride, what equipment to use and blah, blah, blah. Both sorts are narcissistic and exhausting to deal with. I have learned that I can have peace within my world of love and passion for horses as long as I am not attached to a place where I am keeping my horse for a service that I am providing. As long as people feel they own you to some degree and you have no where else to go, they will abuse that. It isn't just me either, I just helped a friend of mine move her horses 3 days ago dealing with the exact same stuff. Geesh. Ridiculous.
Dealing with the grief over losing someone I loved so much is about all I can handle these days. It is getting easier and the waves are farther apart. But anything else in life sometimes is too much, which makes me wipe my slate clean. Any extra drama and I am gone. No need to stay in an abusive situation.
On another note, the girls are doing well in school. It has been a learning curve, but they are actually learning and some of the work is harder than I thought it would be. I work at school in Reagan's class during the week, it is good to see how busy they are and how much work they are covering in school. Already Reagan says she is looking forward to homeschooling next year, haha she was the one that was the most excited to go. The novelty has worn off. There are things I don't like, such as little 2nd graders that use the F word...how lovely. Then of course, there are some things in their curriculum that I don't appreciate, like "pre-history"---emm, huh?? What is that?? Isn't that an oxy-moron?? I am writing that up to chat with the teacher in teacher conferences. Cave men is what Heidi studying for history. Oh brother, I don't care if she fails that at all. We have our own curriculum about the beginning of man, it's called the Bible. But, I really like Heidi's Math and Science teacher, super happy about her and she is very conservative and is wonderful to work with. Reagan's teacher isn't warm and fuzzy but she is good at what she does.
My friend who also does my horse's feet will be coming home from vacation soon. Next week we start up real conditioning for the horses. Tues/Thur riding out in Alpine so horses will be ready for racing in May. Normally I wouldn't even be starting conditioning until Feb, but...why not? I didn't race this year so it's not like we are on a break.
My week days are becoming booked. It's shocking that not homeschooling or working you could fill up your days, but I do! From now until December I will be working with the church getting the living Nativity together, pulling costumes and gathering people and animals to participate in it. That takes up a lot of my days. Then there is small group at our house on Tuesdays, and then conditioning my horse and also working in the school. Things get busy! But it is good busy, the kind of busy that puts me right where I should be. It is allowing me to be busy with out any drama and I am able to heal.
Through everything I can thank the Lord for many things. Even for giving me life, for waking up the next day to be able to put my feet on the floor, jog down the stairs and hugs my girls when they get up. Thankful to be able to make coffee and pour my husband a cup and tell him thank you for providing for our family. I saw something today that said, "Be thankful for the little things, for one day they will be the big things." I have learned this is true. Focusing on thankfulness today.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Remembering the Good Things
I have been remembering more things about my sister in law. I was thinking recently of how we met. Todd and I were dating. I had just turned 20. For some reason, Todd decided that after I turned 20, that would be a good time to tell his family that he was dating me. 19 sounded a little young for a man who had just had his 31st birthday, so he introduced me shortly after turning 20. His mom was chatting with me over the phone, she had time to talk as she was recovering from a surgery. I don't really remember what it was for, a hernia or something. She was asking me some questions, and when my birthday was...I said..."November 8th." "Oh," She replied..."That is Jenny's birthday, Brad's wife..." and we had an immediate connection.
Todd bought tickets for me that December after I turned 20 to come and meet his family. I flew into Minneapolis, and we drove all the way to Hudson, Iowa...3 hours away. Everyone was having dinner that night at his parent's house. Todd is the oldest of 5, everyone was looking forward to meeting me, they couldn't believe Todd was actually bringing a girl home to meet the family.
When I walked in, it was a bit overwhelming. It seemed to be a lot of them, especially with me only having 2 other siblings in my family, and Todd having 4 with 2 of them already married with 2 children each. Someone mentioned when they saw me that I must be as tiny as Jenny. So immediately they made me stand back to back with her to calculate our height. So here were, standing back to back, and she was maybe 1 inch taller...the short ladies of the family, well...at least I was the "to be" family. That was the first time I met her.
She was quiet. A little shy, very reserved and didn't talk a whole lot. She was a listener and she smiled a lot. Even though she didn't say much she put you at ease with her sweet demeanor and sparkling brown eyes. She was beautiful and I was intrigued by her even then. We spent New Year's Eve 1998 with them in Minneapolis in their little apartment building. We went to go see a Christian concert that night, pretty sure Steven Curtis Chapman was there along with Aaron& Jeoffery and then finished off the evening saying Happy New Years in the hot tub in the gym of their apartment building.
Before we left, we spent a little time with them. I was impressed with her mothering skills even then. Her oldest Sebastian was only 2 and Gabriel was just 1, I appreciated her style of parenting and later it would greatly influence my own, and I take to heart many, many conversations we have had over the years in way of parenting and marriage.
One of the things I remember most about her was when were there visiting for Christmas. Todd's cousins Craig and Darlene were there spending time as well (we have a large family, and we are all very close, truly...I love all of them!! We are so blessed!!) Darlene had just had her first baby, a little girl named Moriah. The entire time Craig and Darlene were there, Jenny would scoop up newborn baby Moriah and hold her the entire time. I watched her, and that was very interesting to me. I myself am not much of a baby person, and to watch her anytime Craig and Darlene were around, constantly holding their baby... you could tell she had a heart especially for children. But that was just a tiny peek into Jenny's heart. She truly LOVED all babies, all children, that was just the very tip of the iceberg in getting to know her.
Over the years I got to know her more and more, her passion was for her family, her husband and her children. All children she cared about, so much so...if she could save the entire world of hurting children she really would have.
I knew her when she was healthy and I knew her when she was sick. Lately God has been reminding me of some simpler days, showing me glimpses of my sister in law in easier times, I am thankful for all of it. I loved her deeply.
I am not sorry for loving her so much. Is there any way to be, really? It was an honest relationship. We laughed a lot, cried together, disagreed fiercely, have had moments where we needed to apologize to each other. We have seen each other in our absolute worst behavior, in our worst and ugliest way of being and loved each other anyways. I have loved others with that same kind of love thinking it was the same sort of relationship as my sister in law Jenny, and realized it wasn't reciprocated and I have been horribly wounded by it. But, it just makes me realize what special relationship I had with her, and with other sister in laws that I have. I don't think I really, really knew how precious they were until she died, and now it is gone. It does make me cherish and nurture the ones I do have and I do realize that relationships such as those don't come around often, and to treasure the ones I have.
I will never regret being that open and transparent with a dear friend, what a special friendship to share that together. I miss her terribly. I think about her every day. My daughter said something funny that she would have enjoyed and I went to grab the phone to call her and then realized that I can't. It is just so abrupt when someone you love so dearly dies. I hate even saying that! But she lives in heaven, and has a new body and I give thanks to the Lord every day for that!!
I am thankful that some of the ugliness of the tragedy is fading and I am remembering the sweeter times. I am thankful to remember my sister in law with sparkling big, brown eyes and her warm smile. I have a number of books on my bookshelf that she has sent to me over the years with her writing in it. Many years I would be chatting with her about something, not really know if she was participating in the conversation as she was so quiet. But she was listening and caring, and usually the next week I would get a book in the mail pertaining to our conversation with a little note jotted down in it from her stating that she thought it might help in light of our conversation.
I am thankful I kept some of those books. I know I hadn't kept them all, and trust me...there were many!! Jenny and her reading!!! What a smarty pants lady, could whip through books and retain information like nothing I have ever seen.
Those memories make me smile. I had to write it down while I am remembering. There will most likely be more blogs just like this one. I don't want to forget her in her finest. I am thankful for getting to be in this family and having the opportunity to be her sister in law. What a blessing she was to me and I will miss her and love her forever.
If you have someone you love deeply and appreciate their friendship. Don't take them for granted. Love deeply and tell them so. Hug them when you can and don't take for granted the days you have with them, you never know when they could be your last. Take care of your relationships with people, they are so precious. Enjoy the people around you.
Todd bought tickets for me that December after I turned 20 to come and meet his family. I flew into Minneapolis, and we drove all the way to Hudson, Iowa...3 hours away. Everyone was having dinner that night at his parent's house. Todd is the oldest of 5, everyone was looking forward to meeting me, they couldn't believe Todd was actually bringing a girl home to meet the family.
When I walked in, it was a bit overwhelming. It seemed to be a lot of them, especially with me only having 2 other siblings in my family, and Todd having 4 with 2 of them already married with 2 children each. Someone mentioned when they saw me that I must be as tiny as Jenny. So immediately they made me stand back to back with her to calculate our height. So here were, standing back to back, and she was maybe 1 inch taller...the short ladies of the family, well...at least I was the "to be" family. That was the first time I met her.
She was quiet. A little shy, very reserved and didn't talk a whole lot. She was a listener and she smiled a lot. Even though she didn't say much she put you at ease with her sweet demeanor and sparkling brown eyes. She was beautiful and I was intrigued by her even then. We spent New Year's Eve 1998 with them in Minneapolis in their little apartment building. We went to go see a Christian concert that night, pretty sure Steven Curtis Chapman was there along with Aaron& Jeoffery and then finished off the evening saying Happy New Years in the hot tub in the gym of their apartment building.
Before we left, we spent a little time with them. I was impressed with her mothering skills even then. Her oldest Sebastian was only 2 and Gabriel was just 1, I appreciated her style of parenting and later it would greatly influence my own, and I take to heart many, many conversations we have had over the years in way of parenting and marriage.
One of the things I remember most about her was when were there visiting for Christmas. Todd's cousins Craig and Darlene were there spending time as well (we have a large family, and we are all very close, truly...I love all of them!! We are so blessed!!) Darlene had just had her first baby, a little girl named Moriah. The entire time Craig and Darlene were there, Jenny would scoop up newborn baby Moriah and hold her the entire time. I watched her, and that was very interesting to me. I myself am not much of a baby person, and to watch her anytime Craig and Darlene were around, constantly holding their baby... you could tell she had a heart especially for children. But that was just a tiny peek into Jenny's heart. She truly LOVED all babies, all children, that was just the very tip of the iceberg in getting to know her.
Over the years I got to know her more and more, her passion was for her family, her husband and her children. All children she cared about, so much so...if she could save the entire world of hurting children she really would have.
I knew her when she was healthy and I knew her when she was sick. Lately God has been reminding me of some simpler days, showing me glimpses of my sister in law in easier times, I am thankful for all of it. I loved her deeply.
I am not sorry for loving her so much. Is there any way to be, really? It was an honest relationship. We laughed a lot, cried together, disagreed fiercely, have had moments where we needed to apologize to each other. We have seen each other in our absolute worst behavior, in our worst and ugliest way of being and loved each other anyways. I have loved others with that same kind of love thinking it was the same sort of relationship as my sister in law Jenny, and realized it wasn't reciprocated and I have been horribly wounded by it. But, it just makes me realize what special relationship I had with her, and with other sister in laws that I have. I don't think I really, really knew how precious they were until she died, and now it is gone. It does make me cherish and nurture the ones I do have and I do realize that relationships such as those don't come around often, and to treasure the ones I have.
I will never regret being that open and transparent with a dear friend, what a special friendship to share that together. I miss her terribly. I think about her every day. My daughter said something funny that she would have enjoyed and I went to grab the phone to call her and then realized that I can't. It is just so abrupt when someone you love so dearly dies. I hate even saying that! But she lives in heaven, and has a new body and I give thanks to the Lord every day for that!!
I am thankful that some of the ugliness of the tragedy is fading and I am remembering the sweeter times. I am thankful to remember my sister in law with sparkling big, brown eyes and her warm smile. I have a number of books on my bookshelf that she has sent to me over the years with her writing in it. Many years I would be chatting with her about something, not really know if she was participating in the conversation as she was so quiet. But she was listening and caring, and usually the next week I would get a book in the mail pertaining to our conversation with a little note jotted down in it from her stating that she thought it might help in light of our conversation.
I am thankful I kept some of those books. I know I hadn't kept them all, and trust me...there were many!! Jenny and her reading!!! What a smarty pants lady, could whip through books and retain information like nothing I have ever seen.
Those memories make me smile. I had to write it down while I am remembering. There will most likely be more blogs just like this one. I don't want to forget her in her finest. I am thankful for getting to be in this family and having the opportunity to be her sister in law. What a blessing she was to me and I will miss her and love her forever.
If you have someone you love deeply and appreciate their friendship. Don't take them for granted. Love deeply and tell them so. Hug them when you can and don't take for granted the days you have with them, you never know when they could be your last. Take care of your relationships with people, they are so precious. Enjoy the people around you.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Standing on His Promises
Last night I woke up early in the morning. It was almost 2am. I couldn't go back to sleep, my heart was burdened for my Brother-in-law's children. So, I laid in bed and prayed for them, each by name. One more specific than others. My heart still aches, and as I prayed, grief washed over me. Still I can't believe this happened to our family. Just then, a song that we sang growing up in church and over the years popped into my head. I haven't sang it for a long time and I couldn't remember all the words but the chorus was there. I decided to read the hymn this morning and play it on the piano. As I read that hymn, every word in there was true to what I am going through, but a vibrant reminder of God's promises to us and I am thankful to the Lord for bringing it to mind. The hymn goes like this...
Verse 1 "Standing on the promises of Christ my King, through eternal ages let His praises ring, Glory in the highest I will shout and sing, Standing on the promises of God"
Chorus
Verse 2 "Standing on the promises that can not fail, When the howling storms of doubt and fear asail, By the living Word of God, I shall prevail! Standing on the promises of God."
Chorus
Verse3 "Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord, Bound to Him eternally by love's strong cord, Over coming daily with the Spirit's sword, Standing on the promises of God."
Chorus
Verse 4 "Standing on the promises I can not fall, Listening every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all, Standing on the promises of God."
I know God spoke to me and reminded me of that song, just as he reminded me of 1 Peter 5:7. It is in these turbulent times, we draw close to God. Sometimes He seems so distant. But these days He speaks to me often. Being in His Word and reading is the way He communicates with us, and if you are still, He brings to mind these songs and other verses you have hidden in your heart.
The end of that song is so comforting. "Listening every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all!"
I am listening to Him. But even more importantly, I am learning to rest in Him. Grieving is painful and heavy to our souls, we need to learn to rest in Him. We can do that by remembering His promises to us.
As I drove the kids to school this morning, I was thanking God for Him speaking to me. Just then that song came on that speaks everything I feel and I became a weepy mess. Not bad weeping, just overcome with thankfulness for my faith and Christ's love sort of weepy. I am sure my kids think I am crazy. But they roll with it, I love my kids!
Just giving thanks to the Lord this morning. So many people are suffering in the world, but no problem is too small or too big for God to handle, and He cares for each one of us individually.
If you think of our family, please continue to pray. We so appreciate your prayers, each one.
Verse 1 "Standing on the promises of Christ my King, through eternal ages let His praises ring, Glory in the highest I will shout and sing, Standing on the promises of God"
Chorus
Verse 2 "Standing on the promises that can not fail, When the howling storms of doubt and fear asail, By the living Word of God, I shall prevail! Standing on the promises of God."
Chorus
Verse3 "Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord, Bound to Him eternally by love's strong cord, Over coming daily with the Spirit's sword, Standing on the promises of God."
Chorus
Verse 4 "Standing on the promises I can not fall, Listening every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all, Standing on the promises of God."
I know God spoke to me and reminded me of that song, just as he reminded me of 1 Peter 5:7. It is in these turbulent times, we draw close to God. Sometimes He seems so distant. But these days He speaks to me often. Being in His Word and reading is the way He communicates with us, and if you are still, He brings to mind these songs and other verses you have hidden in your heart.
The end of that song is so comforting. "Listening every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all!"
I am listening to Him. But even more importantly, I am learning to rest in Him. Grieving is painful and heavy to our souls, we need to learn to rest in Him. We can do that by remembering His promises to us.
As I drove the kids to school this morning, I was thanking God for Him speaking to me. Just then that song came on that speaks everything I feel and I became a weepy mess. Not bad weeping, just overcome with thankfulness for my faith and Christ's love sort of weepy. I am sure my kids think I am crazy. But they roll with it, I love my kids!
Just giving thanks to the Lord this morning. So many people are suffering in the world, but no problem is too small or too big for God to handle, and He cares for each one of us individually.
If you think of our family, please continue to pray. We so appreciate your prayers, each one.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Never say Never
I had a good 2-3 weeks where I was just down. Literally. The grief hit so hard I had a hard time getting out of bed. I really hate feeling like that, but I realize that grief comes in waves and it really will come and go and I won't feel like that forever. This week, I am feeling much better. I don't have a dark cloud hanging over my head, and the girl's squabbles over who fed the dog last isn't making me dissolve into tears and I am able to handle the little things again. This year will be a year of firsts for all of us. I can't even imagine how my brother in law is handling it, or Jenny's mom, or sisters. They have a grief all their own and I pray for them daily as they lean on God moment by moment to get through the day. It has only been 2 months but it feels like forever.
Lots of changes in our life this year. None that I am super proud of, really. I feel like I have failed miserably, but when I am feeling down...I am just trying to keep my head above water. Our kids are going to school this year, the public school down the way. I will be volunteering 3 days a week, and 2 days a week I will be riding (conditioning) my horse with a friend in the mornings. I think having some goals and getting into a rigid routine this year will help me heal.
We have other plans for next year, but are taking things day by day. I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone really for the choices that Todd and I are making. We are responsible before God for the raising, training, and educating of our kids...not anyone else. So, basically if anyone has opinions, save your breath and worry about your own family.
I said I would never put my kids in public school. I also said I would never marry a military man. Well, those weren't my exact words, they were actually much more harsh...but...I am learning never to say never. Because you haven't a clue what kinds of things life will throw at you. But, God is so much bigger than anything we go through. His strength, His Love, HE is more than sufficient to carry us through, fill in all the holes, gentle enough to comfort and wipe our tears, and fierce enough to defend and protect. I don't know what I would do without Him. Even when things are really bad, God is so good.
Back in March, I quit working in the horse world. I had been in that world for about 3 years. I knew and could feel there were going to be some big changes, I even wrote about it back then. I can see how God was working back then and why some people are no longer in my life. There is no way on earth I could handle time draining, life sucking people at this point in time. I can see how God removed me from it completely so I could focus on Him, I appreciate His protection. God has surrounded me with wonderful people who have been a balm, and soothing to my soul. They are prayer warriors willing to battle with me, and offer encouraging words when I need them. It's Christ love through them, and it is comforting and beautiful.
We never know what our future holds. I do know is that we serve a God that is unwavering, His promises are true, we can count on them...because He never changes! Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." That is one time I can say never and really mean it! I am so thankful for that this morning. Wishing any of you who read this the same hope that I have in Christ. It is for all who believe.
Lots of changes in our life this year. None that I am super proud of, really. I feel like I have failed miserably, but when I am feeling down...I am just trying to keep my head above water. Our kids are going to school this year, the public school down the way. I will be volunteering 3 days a week, and 2 days a week I will be riding (conditioning) my horse with a friend in the mornings. I think having some goals and getting into a rigid routine this year will help me heal.
We have other plans for next year, but are taking things day by day. I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone really for the choices that Todd and I are making. We are responsible before God for the raising, training, and educating of our kids...not anyone else. So, basically if anyone has opinions, save your breath and worry about your own family.
I said I would never put my kids in public school. I also said I would never marry a military man. Well, those weren't my exact words, they were actually much more harsh...but...I am learning never to say never. Because you haven't a clue what kinds of things life will throw at you. But, God is so much bigger than anything we go through. His strength, His Love, HE is more than sufficient to carry us through, fill in all the holes, gentle enough to comfort and wipe our tears, and fierce enough to defend and protect. I don't know what I would do without Him. Even when things are really bad, God is so good.
Back in March, I quit working in the horse world. I had been in that world for about 3 years. I knew and could feel there were going to be some big changes, I even wrote about it back then. I can see how God was working back then and why some people are no longer in my life. There is no way on earth I could handle time draining, life sucking people at this point in time. I can see how God removed me from it completely so I could focus on Him, I appreciate His protection. God has surrounded me with wonderful people who have been a balm, and soothing to my soul. They are prayer warriors willing to battle with me, and offer encouraging words when I need them. It's Christ love through them, and it is comforting and beautiful.
We never know what our future holds. I do know is that we serve a God that is unwavering, His promises are true, we can count on them...because He never changes! Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." That is one time I can say never and really mean it! I am so thankful for that this morning. Wishing any of you who read this the same hope that I have in Christ. It is for all who believe.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Grief
The last couple of weeks have been rough. We didn't go to church last week because I honestly couldn't talk to anyone. I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming about my sister...I could hear her voice and her laughing. I didn't sleep well the rest of the night, mostly because I couldn't breathe because of crying. I am in a weird funk of deep, dark depression and grief.
This time of year is always tough for me. It is for most people who struggle with any sort of Seasonal affective disorder. Mine is mostly circumstantial, and when school rolls around and the burden of educating the kiddos falls mostly on my shoulders, the burden becomes unbearable. This year is worse. I could hardly get out of bed this morning. The grief and depression combined is overwhelming.
I took Heidi to the orthodontist this week. They took her retainer out, and then said they needed to make an appointment for 6 months from now. I almost blurted out, "What if she isn't alive in 6 months?" to the receptionist that was booking the appointment, but stopped myself before it tumbled out. I know that seems weird, but that is where my mind is.
I can't explain how grief feels. It is different for everyone. Today I picked up the phone and dialed her number automatically to chat about something on my heart. I got half way through dialing before I realized what I was doing. Then laid the phone down and cried.
I loved my sister in law. I am desperately trying not to wallow in my grief. I thought I was okay a few weeks ago and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just chatted today with a good friend of Jenny's. She loved that friend very much. I heard her talk about her in everyday conversation often. It was healing to some degree, but so very sad at the same time. So thankful to know sweet people my sister in law touched, but so real that she isn't here anymore.
Have you have every loved someone so much, and shared so many memories? Were able to share your passions and blatantly disagree with certain issues, but passionately love each other as much as you might disagree...you learn what a precious gift it is! You think you will have your entire lives to share family, friendship, deep conversations, silly ones, laughter, pride in your children, grandchildren, and see similarities in husbands, kiddos, you think you have your entire life and then it's suddenly gone...such a tragedy.
I am not sure how to navigate around with this new path God has given me. Tomorrow we celebrate a wedding in the family and I am so looking forward to it. In a way it's a new life, new journey. Looking forward to celebration, smiles and family I haven't seen in a long time.
It will have been 2 months this Sunday since my sister has passed. It feels like so much longer. I realize I have a ways to go in the grieving process, it changes and comes in different waves I have discovered. If you happen to think about our family, would you please pray for us? Looking forward to lighter days and times. Very much looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. Thankful for the new seasons life brings, God is so good to us.
This time of year is always tough for me. It is for most people who struggle with any sort of Seasonal affective disorder. Mine is mostly circumstantial, and when school rolls around and the burden of educating the kiddos falls mostly on my shoulders, the burden becomes unbearable. This year is worse. I could hardly get out of bed this morning. The grief and depression combined is overwhelming.
I took Heidi to the orthodontist this week. They took her retainer out, and then said they needed to make an appointment for 6 months from now. I almost blurted out, "What if she isn't alive in 6 months?" to the receptionist that was booking the appointment, but stopped myself before it tumbled out. I know that seems weird, but that is where my mind is.
I can't explain how grief feels. It is different for everyone. Today I picked up the phone and dialed her number automatically to chat about something on my heart. I got half way through dialing before I realized what I was doing. Then laid the phone down and cried.
I loved my sister in law. I am desperately trying not to wallow in my grief. I thought I was okay a few weeks ago and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just chatted today with a good friend of Jenny's. She loved that friend very much. I heard her talk about her in everyday conversation often. It was healing to some degree, but so very sad at the same time. So thankful to know sweet people my sister in law touched, but so real that she isn't here anymore.
Have you have every loved someone so much, and shared so many memories? Were able to share your passions and blatantly disagree with certain issues, but passionately love each other as much as you might disagree...you learn what a precious gift it is! You think you will have your entire lives to share family, friendship, deep conversations, silly ones, laughter, pride in your children, grandchildren, and see similarities in husbands, kiddos, you think you have your entire life and then it's suddenly gone...such a tragedy.
I am not sure how to navigate around with this new path God has given me. Tomorrow we celebrate a wedding in the family and I am so looking forward to it. In a way it's a new life, new journey. Looking forward to celebration, smiles and family I haven't seen in a long time.
It will have been 2 months this Sunday since my sister has passed. It feels like so much longer. I realize I have a ways to go in the grieving process, it changes and comes in different waves I have discovered. If you happen to think about our family, would you please pray for us? Looking forward to lighter days and times. Very much looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. Thankful for the new seasons life brings, God is so good to us.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Hot Summer Days
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| Heidi out on the lake. |
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| Even I got in on the action... |
After we got home from the lake, I got a call from my good friend Gayle, she invited us out to her place for some kayaking! It was a hot evening, 88 degrees, high tide and the most beautiful evening to enjoy God's creation. We have the most amazing friends that are willing to share their time with us.
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| Black berry picking and eating out kayaking. The air smelled of ripe blackberries, an August North Western smell. I love it. |
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| View from my friend's back yard. We were literally out on the water ALLLLLL day. Couldn't have been better. |
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Back in the Saddle
So, my friend Colleen and I took our horses out to Alpine Evergreen today and rode the trails. What a BEAUTIFUL day to ride! I honestly don't remember the last time I rode my own horse out on the trails, I am thinking it has been probably close to 2 months. That doesn't mean she hasn't been worked that long, I use the arena at my barn when I am not riding trails.
I was a little cautious while riding today, when I first bought her and began conditioning, she was ridiculously spooky, and so I was thinking since she hadn't been out in the woods for a while, she might act out. But that is what my good friend Colleen is for...she pushes me outside my comfort zone and takes off galloping here and there and I am forced to suck it up and deal with whatever might come along. My horse was a rock star today! Went pretty much over the river and through the woods (although, not to grandmother's house...) and my horse was loving every minute!!!
My husband was telling me today to take it easy on my mare, because of her leg--(she is mostly healed up, it is pretty superficial at this point and healing up nicely. No more swelling), and because she hadn't been out in a while. But he forgot to tell her to take it easy on me!! Good grief, no matter that they can feel a fly land on anywhere on their body...I was using all of my aids, rear plastered in my seat and pulling back...she acted like she couldn't feel me asking her to slow down...yeah right, she was down right ignoring me. PPPTT!! BAH! Endurance horse??? Yah think??? We have some things to work on!
I was a little cautious while riding today, when I first bought her and began conditioning, she was ridiculously spooky, and so I was thinking since she hadn't been out in the woods for a while, she might act out. But that is what my good friend Colleen is for...she pushes me outside my comfort zone and takes off galloping here and there and I am forced to suck it up and deal with whatever might come along. My horse was a rock star today! Went pretty much over the river and through the woods (although, not to grandmother's house...) and my horse was loving every minute!!!
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| Care free Colleen, riding without stirrups and chattin' away! |
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| Of course, Sydney came with us today. Love that boy. |
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| Sebastian and Colleen. These two really love each other. |
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| Loving these horses. Love riding on hot sunny days. Feels good to be back in the saddle! |
Monday, July 21, 2014
Priorities
Since the passing of my sister in law, many things are happening. I wish I could write down and put into words exactly how I am feeling in the midst of deep sorrow and loss. Many things change when tragedy hits a family. Immediately, priorities fall into place. All the petty and little things that once rubbed me raw roll off like water off a duck's back. They no longer matter. I realize all of those ridiculous little grievances I thought I had, well-- they don't even belong in the big picture.
All of the sudden, I see my kids in a different light. My heart softens. I realize that the moments we share with them really are gifts and we don't know what tomorrow might bring. I feel a tighter bonding with my husband. When we walk together down a rough road and lean on each other to get through it, I love him more. I didn't think that was possible. But he loved my sister in law as much as I did and we have a mutual grief and understanding, I hold my family a little closer. I view them as more valuable.
I see other people around me in all their human-ness. We are all human, everyone is fighting a battle. I want to love people the way that God loves me. He died for all, so that we could live in eternity. How can I administer His love? If we don't have love, we have nothing.
I Corinthians 13: 1-7
"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
God is doing a mighty work. Christians from 7 different churches are coming to help with my Brother in law's family. They come and clean the entire house, do all the laundry (that is a ministry purely in and of itself with having 15 children!) meals are completely taken care of through the month of December. When I get the updates I am overwhelmed with emotion. God's out pouring of love through these people to my family is like a soothing balm to my soul.
Satan is out to accuse and destroy. But our Lord is so much bigger than him, don't you see?? The bible says:
John 13:34-35
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Certainly others can see Christ's love in those who have stepped forward to care for my brother in law's family. I pray that more would come to know Christ through this.
It is a sad day when it takes such a tragedy to shake you out of your slumber and selfishness, to see what it is most important, and to love people more. I pray I never need another reminder.
All of the sudden, I see my kids in a different light. My heart softens. I realize that the moments we share with them really are gifts and we don't know what tomorrow might bring. I feel a tighter bonding with my husband. When we walk together down a rough road and lean on each other to get through it, I love him more. I didn't think that was possible. But he loved my sister in law as much as I did and we have a mutual grief and understanding, I hold my family a little closer. I view them as more valuable.
I see other people around me in all their human-ness. We are all human, everyone is fighting a battle. I want to love people the way that God loves me. He died for all, so that we could live in eternity. How can I administer His love? If we don't have love, we have nothing.
I Corinthians 13: 1-7
"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
God is doing a mighty work. Christians from 7 different churches are coming to help with my Brother in law's family. They come and clean the entire house, do all the laundry (that is a ministry purely in and of itself with having 15 children!) meals are completely taken care of through the month of December. When I get the updates I am overwhelmed with emotion. God's out pouring of love through these people to my family is like a soothing balm to my soul.
Satan is out to accuse and destroy. But our Lord is so much bigger than him, don't you see?? The bible says:
John 13:34-35
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Certainly others can see Christ's love in those who have stepped forward to care for my brother in law's family. I pray that more would come to know Christ through this.
It is a sad day when it takes such a tragedy to shake you out of your slumber and selfishness, to see what it is most important, and to love people more. I pray I never need another reminder.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Family Fun
Lately we have had some hot weather. So what do we do?? Have some fun with the kiddos and go tubing!!! They had a blast. We had a good time watching them have fun. I love hot days like this out at the lake.
Sisters In Law
I have 5 sisters in law. My brother's wife Taren, I don't have any recent pictures of us, then...on my husband's side...I have Jenny, Bridget, Shirlee and Todd's sister Teresa.
I crazy loved this girl. In so many ways. She loved God with her whole heart, instilled scripture into the heart of her children. She would always tell her kiddos "I love you so much! But, Jesus loves you the most!" Her love for her family has deeply imprinted my life. She is no longer with us and I mourn that I can't see her laugh and hug and kiss her. But she is always my sister! My sister in law, my sister in Christ, I will see her again one day. Jenny, I love you so much, I will always miss you.
This is Bridget, She is married to Todd's brother Trent. I crazy love this girl too. She always makes me laugh, she encourages me in God's truth and we have our own little silly words we say to each other. We think they are funny...no one else gets it. But, hey! We have earned it, that is what you get for hangin' out with the family after 14 years. It doesn't get any better. I am so blessed. She always has a different perspective to bring to the table. I appreciate her joy and realness in life. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out.
This is Shirlee! She is the youngest brother, Brent's wife. Isn't she lovely? We have always had a great time when we get together over the years. I particularly enjoy her competitive nature during our card games of Michigan, she hates to lose. This woman is amazing with the kids. She really plays with her kids--pretty sure she is the only auntie to get on the floor and wrestle with the munchkins--and I have a lot to learn from her. I regret not calling and keeping up with her and really getting to know her better. After Jenny's death, family relationships become more valuable and I am scrambling to make every moment count with my kids and loved ones.
This is Todd's only sister, Teresa. When Heidi was 3 she would point to a picture of Sleeping Beauty and say it was Aunt Teresa. Such a pretty lady, inside and out. Teresa has been such a gift to me over the years. She loves the Lord, her family, and teaches me to do the same. She has had to say some hard things to me over the years, but...because I know she loves me unconditionally, I know she has my best interest in mind. I appreciate her willing to share her thoughts with me so that I will be a better person for the Lord and for my family. I can't tell you how much I love this lady.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
What Is The Difference Between A Conviction, Opinions, and Preferences?? Food For Thought.
So, I was bringing kids home from horse back riding the other day when the topic of swimsuits and bikinis came up in the car. I am not even sure how it came about. One of the girls said "I know a family that lets their kids wear bikinis. They are Christians though..."
Though...that lingered in my mind. So I replied "You can be a Christian and wear a bikini. True statement. (**I didn't add that I was one of them at times...like while Todd and I are away on a cruise, sharing that with these girls at this moment of time where they are still figuring out preference and actual laid out laws in the Bible**) You can love the Lord and wear a bikini. Although, my girls aren't allowed to wear them...to each their own. Every family is solely responsible to God for how they raise their family."
It was an interesting topic of conversation about modesty. But what we didn't address was pride. Because what happens when people make up rules (that aren't necessarily in the Bible) it becomes LEGALISM. We all have convictions about certain things, but when we look at ourselves and completely disapprove of a preference of another, then it becomes a point of pride. You are thinking that in your own mind...whatever it is that you are doing or not doing in your preferences and convictions, that you are better than the other person.
I truly HATE LEGALISM. I hate it. It is the most rotting thing that Christians can impose upon their children and in the lives of others. When you tell others how they should dress (trust me, everyone has different preferences in the code of modesty), what color of nail polish is appropriate for whatever age...I mean, really...is that a hill you want to die on?? Those are just the extremely superficial topics of legalism, I am not even pressing upon the heated ones of drinking alcohol or the usage of King James only...
While we are to be sensitive to others convictions, we need not judge others if our convictions vary. We need to realize when something is a true conviction that Christ has laid upon our hearts, or if it is a man made preference imposed on us by another human that was created because of a man-made opinion. For an example...
I had this friend in high school. Well, more of an acquaintance, our parents were friends. She was not allowed to wear hoop earrings of any sort. Because, her dad said they looked like hooker earrings. That is an opinion. Now, if that is the rule in their house, it's the rule. Children are to obey their parents, even if their rules don't make any sense. But no where in the bible does it say you shouldn't wear hoop earrings.
So, if you have strong convictions...that is all good and fine. I have my own. I will do my best not to impose them upon you. I will do my best not to judge you even if you are the one with strong opinions that you feel you need to impose upon me, although I can not promise we will be good friends.
I am happy to love my fellow Christians, even if from afar. And those that are wallowing in legalism, I will be happy over here enjoying my freedom in Christ and hoping that one day you can be freed from the claws of legalism and enjoy God's Grace over here with me.
Though...that lingered in my mind. So I replied "You can be a Christian and wear a bikini. True statement. (**I didn't add that I was one of them at times...like while Todd and I are away on a cruise, sharing that with these girls at this moment of time where they are still figuring out preference and actual laid out laws in the Bible**) You can love the Lord and wear a bikini. Although, my girls aren't allowed to wear them...to each their own. Every family is solely responsible to God for how they raise their family."
It was an interesting topic of conversation about modesty. But what we didn't address was pride. Because what happens when people make up rules (that aren't necessarily in the Bible) it becomes LEGALISM. We all have convictions about certain things, but when we look at ourselves and completely disapprove of a preference of another, then it becomes a point of pride. You are thinking that in your own mind...whatever it is that you are doing or not doing in your preferences and convictions, that you are better than the other person.
I truly HATE LEGALISM. I hate it. It is the most rotting thing that Christians can impose upon their children and in the lives of others. When you tell others how they should dress (trust me, everyone has different preferences in the code of modesty), what color of nail polish is appropriate for whatever age...I mean, really...is that a hill you want to die on?? Those are just the extremely superficial topics of legalism, I am not even pressing upon the heated ones of drinking alcohol or the usage of King James only...
While we are to be sensitive to others convictions, we need not judge others if our convictions vary. We need to realize when something is a true conviction that Christ has laid upon our hearts, or if it is a man made preference imposed on us by another human that was created because of a man-made opinion. For an example...
I had this friend in high school. Well, more of an acquaintance, our parents were friends. She was not allowed to wear hoop earrings of any sort. Because, her dad said they looked like hooker earrings. That is an opinion. Now, if that is the rule in their house, it's the rule. Children are to obey their parents, even if their rules don't make any sense. But no where in the bible does it say you shouldn't wear hoop earrings.
So, if you have strong convictions...that is all good and fine. I have my own. I will do my best not to impose them upon you. I will do my best not to judge you even if you are the one with strong opinions that you feel you need to impose upon me, although I can not promise we will be good friends.
I am happy to love my fellow Christians, even if from afar. And those that are wallowing in legalism, I will be happy over here enjoying my freedom in Christ and hoping that one day you can be freed from the claws of legalism and enjoy God's Grace over here with me.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Trail Rides With Giggling Girls
Today I took 2 of Heidi's friends out on trail rides. Everyone had a great time. What I learned is, Heidi is just as ridiculous and giggly with no common sense in her head as any other pre-pubescent 11ish/12ish year old girl. I didn't realize that she was SO normal! Let me say, it was a bit much at moments dealing with saddling up 4 horses and telling little girls to stop giggling and pay attention, but for the most part, we rode through the woods and cantered up trails and had a wonderful, amazing time!
Love these little girls!!! Liesl, Isabelle, and Heidi. They really are such good girls!
Love these little girls!!! Liesl, Isabelle, and Heidi. They really are such good girls!
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| Heidi on Chic, Isabelle on Chance, and Liesl on Apache |
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| Aw! Lovin on that sweet horse. She had a good time with him today! |
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| Heidi loves this Chic girl! |
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| Isabelle did a fantastic job on Chance today. He is a wonderful boy! So glad to be able to take the kids out and do fun things with them. Love these girls! |
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Anniversary day!!!
Today is our anniversary!! We have been married 15 years!! I am thankful to the Lord for giving me Todd. We have been through a lot together, some years have been much more difficult...and for those I am thankful because it makes the easy years so much sweeter. Later we will be going out to dinner to celebrate, and a dear friend is taking our kids for the evening. So nice to have my man all to myself.
How the time flies!!!
Of course, I had time for a quick ride today before heading out for dinner this evening. We were going to head into Seattle on the 3'o clock ferry (which means I would have to be all prettied up a lot sooner today,) but Todd decided he wanted to stay local...so of course I needed to go on a trail ride!
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| Denise and Chance |
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| Nata and I. |
After, I came home and got ready to go out to dinner with my man. I forgot my camera but I took a few pictures with my phone. I wanted to get one with us together, but that didn't happen.
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| Look!! I can get pretty sometimes! Fake eyelashes and all!! |
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| Out to dinner at Anthony's, our view of the ferry coming in. Wonderful evening. |
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| My sexy man. Can't believe he picked ME to be his wife. I am one lucky lady! |
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