Remembering the Good Things

I have been remembering more things about my sister in law.  I was thinking recently of how we met.  Todd and I were dating.  I had just turned 20.  For some reason, Todd decided that after I turned 20, that would be a good time to tell his family that he was dating me.  19 sounded a little young for a man who had just had his 31st birthday, so he introduced me shortly after turning 20.  His mom was chatting with me over the phone, she had time to talk as she was recovering from a surgery.  I don't really remember what it was for, a hernia or something.  She was asking me some questions, and when my birthday was...I said..."November 8th."  "Oh," She replied..."That is Jenny's birthday, Brad's wife..." and we had an immediate connection.

Todd bought tickets for me that December after I turned 20 to come and meet his family.  I flew into Minneapolis, and we drove all the way to Hudson, Iowa...3 hours away.  Everyone was having dinner that night at his parent's  house.  Todd is the oldest of 5, everyone was looking forward to meeting me, they couldn't believe Todd was actually bringing a girl home to meet the family. 

When I walked in, it was a bit overwhelming.  It seemed to be a lot of them, especially with me only having 2 other siblings in my family, and Todd having 4 with 2 of them already married with 2 children each.  Someone mentioned when they saw me that I must be as tiny as Jenny.  So immediately they made me stand back to back with her to calculate our height.  So here were, standing back to back, and she was maybe 1 inch taller...the short ladies of the family, well...at least I was the "to be" family.  That was the first time I met her. 

She was quiet.  A little shy, very reserved and didn't talk a whole lot.  She was a listener and she smiled a lot.  Even though she didn't say much she put you at ease with her sweet demeanor and sparkling brown eyes.  She was beautiful and I was intrigued by her even then.  We spent New Year's Eve 1998 with them in Minneapolis in their little apartment building.  We went to go see a Christian concert that night, pretty sure Steven Curtis Chapman was there along with Aaron& Jeoffery and then finished off the evening saying Happy New Years in the hot tub in the gym of their apartment building.

Before we left, we spent a little time with them.  I was impressed with her mothering skills even then.  Her oldest Sebastian was only 2 and Gabriel was just 1, I appreciated her style of parenting and later it would greatly influence my own, and I take to heart many, many conversations we have had over the years in way of parenting and marriage.

One of the things I remember most about her was when were there visiting for Christmas.  Todd's cousins Craig and Darlene were there spending time as well (we have a large family, and we are all very close, truly...I love all of them!!  We are so blessed!!)  Darlene had just had her first baby, a little girl named Moriah.  The entire time Craig and Darlene were there, Jenny would scoop up newborn baby Moriah and hold her the entire time.  I watched her, and that was very interesting to me.  I myself am not much of a baby person, and to watch her anytime Craig and Darlene were around, constantly holding their baby... you could tell she had a heart especially for children.  But that was just a tiny peek into Jenny's heart.  She truly LOVED all babies, all children, that was just the very tip of the iceberg in getting to know her.

Over the years I got to know her more and more, her passion was for her family, her husband and her children.  All children she cared about, so much so...if she could save the entire world of hurting children she really would have.

 I knew her when she was healthy and I knew her when she was sick.  Lately God has been reminding me of some simpler days, showing me glimpses of my sister in law in easier times, I am thankful for all of it.  I loved her deeply.

I am not sorry for loving her so much.  Is there any way to be, really?  It was an honest relationship.  We laughed a lot, cried together, disagreed fiercely, have had moments where we needed to apologize to each other.  We have seen each other in our absolute worst behavior, in our worst and ugliest way of being and loved each other anyways.   I have loved others with that same kind of love thinking it was the same sort of relationship as my sister in law Jenny, and realized it wasn't reciprocated and I have been horribly wounded by it.  But, it just makes me realize what special relationship I had with her, and with other sister in laws that I have.  I don't think I really, really knew how precious they were until she died, and now it is gone.  It does make me cherish and nurture the ones I do have and I do realize that relationships such as those don't come around often, and to treasure the ones I have.

I will never regret being that open and transparent with a dear friend, what a special friendship to share that together.  I miss her terribly.  I think about her every day.  My daughter said something funny that she would have enjoyed and I went to grab the phone to call her and then realized that I can't.  It is just so abrupt when someone you love so dearly dies.  I hate even saying that!  But she lives in heaven, and has a new body and I give thanks to the Lord every day for that!!

I am thankful that some of the ugliness of the tragedy is fading and I am remembering the sweeter times.  I am thankful to remember my sister in law with sparkling big, brown eyes and her warm smile.  I have a number of books on my bookshelf that she has sent to me over the years with her writing in it.  Many years I would be chatting with her about something, not really know if she was participating in the conversation as she was so quiet.  But she was listening and caring, and usually the next week I would get a book in the mail pertaining to our conversation with a little note jotted down in it from her stating that she thought it might help in light of our conversation.

I am thankful I kept some of those books.  I know I hadn't kept them all, and trust me...there were many!!  Jenny and her reading!!!  What a smarty pants lady, could whip through books and retain information like nothing I have ever seen.

Those memories make me smile.  I had to write it down while I am remembering.  There will most likely be more blogs just like this one.  I don't want to forget her in her finest.  I am thankful for getting to be in this family and having the opportunity to be her sister in law.  What a blessing she was to me and I will miss her and love her forever.

If you have someone you love deeply and appreciate their friendship.  Don't take them for granted.  Love deeply and tell them so.  Hug them when you can and don't take for granted the days  you have with them, you never know when they could be your last.  Take care of your relationships with people, they are so precious.  Enjoy the people around you.