Never say Never

I had a good 2-3 weeks where I was just down.  Literally.  The grief hit so hard I had a hard time getting out of bed.  I really hate feeling like that, but I realize that grief comes in waves and it really will come and go and I won't feel like that forever.  This week, I am feeling much better.  I don't have a dark cloud hanging over my head, and the girl's squabbles over who fed the dog last isn't making me dissolve into tears and I am able to handle the little things again.  This year will be a year of firsts for all of us.  I can't even imagine how my brother in law is handling it, or Jenny's mom, or sisters.  They have a grief all their own and I pray for them daily as they lean on God moment by moment to get through the day.  It has only been 2 months but it feels like forever.

Lots of changes in our life this year.  None that I am super proud of, really.  I feel like I have failed miserably, but when I am feeling down...I am just trying to keep my head above water.  Our kids are going to school this year, the public school down the way.  I will be volunteering 3 days a week, and 2 days a week I will be riding (conditioning) my horse with a friend in the mornings.  I think having some goals and getting into a rigid routine this year will help me heal. 

We have other plans for next year, but are taking things day by day.  I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone really for the choices that Todd and I are making.  We are responsible before God for the raising, training, and educating of our kids...not anyone else.  So, basically if anyone has opinions, save your breath and worry about your own family. 

I said I would never put my kids in public school.  I also said I would never marry a military man.  Well, those weren't my exact words, they were actually much more harsh...but...I am learning never to say never.  Because you haven't a clue what kinds of things life will throw at you.  But, God is so much bigger than anything we go through. His strength, His Love, HE is more than sufficient to carry us through, fill in all the holes, gentle enough to comfort and wipe our tears, and fierce enough to defend and protect.  I don't know what I would do without Him.  Even when things are really bad, God is so good.

Back in March, I quit working in the horse world.  I had been in that world for about 3 years.  I knew and could feel there were going to be some big changes, I even wrote about it back then.  I can see how God was working back then and why some people are no longer in my life.  There is no way on earth I could handle time draining, life sucking people at this point in time.  I can see how God removed me from it completely so I could focus on Him, I appreciate His protection.  God has  surrounded me with wonderful people who have been a balm, and soothing to my soul.  They are prayer warriors willing to battle with me, and offer encouraging words when I need them.  It's Christ love through them, and it is comforting and beautiful.

We never know what our future holds.  I do know is that we serve a God that is unwavering, His promises are true, we can count on them...because He never changes!  Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." That is one time I can say never and really mean it!  I am so thankful for that this morning.  Wishing any of you who read this the same hope that I have in Christ.  It is for all who believe.