Control

I was at a friend's house today.  We have been doing a lot of visiting.  It has been really good.  I have missed out on this for so long!  In the last few weeks,  as soon as the kids are finished with work, we run and clean a barn, ride or lunge my horse, then off to visit friends.  The kids have LOVED this!!   The kids either play outside and run, and explore and pretend or play games quietly in the house while I sit and chat with a dear friend over tea.  I didn't have any tea today, just water...but my friend is known for sipping tea. :-) I love that pretty lady. 

When we chat, it isn't about just the weather.  It's real, raw, fresh, it's what is on our minds, uplifting, exhorting, encouraging.  Iron sharpening iron, moving toward the same goals such as;  learning and loving our Heavenly Father,  wanting an intimate relationship with Him, child rearing, conquering issues, loving people...good stuff. 

One topic that has come up over and over again.  Seems to be a re-occurring topic over the last month, is CONTROL.  I was just chatting with a horse trainer yesterday.  She stated that, living in the world of horse training can be difficult, the nature of controlling every aspect of a horse is what they do, it's difficult for the concept of control not to bleed into other areas of life. Which bring me to today.

As parents, we are trainers of children.  But, with children...they have their own free will. We can not control their thoughts, feelings and emotions.  We can guide them and establish and build a relationship with them to influence them.  But control in itself is an illusion.  Rigid rules without the relationship with your kids will push them away.  But rules are not bad, we need the rules...but the relationship and true love to go with it creates a well balanced person.  In no way, shape or form and I going to say my kids will never do awful things.  For Pete's sake, we are all human!!  I  have done awful things!  To say my kids won't make bad choices would be naïve! 

Just looking at different forms of control, whether it is parents to children, husband to wife, friend to friend, boss to employee, basically in every relationship known to man.  There can be certain types of control that aren't bad.  For instance, there needs to be control in a household, it can't be anarchy!  Which is why we have Policeman, right?  But controlling and nit-picking over things that don't matter, things that are out of your hands anyway destroy any type of relationship!

This is good for me for God to reveal this to me.  I am working on building relationships with my kids are we transition to our older munchkins.  They are no longer babies and require a different sort of parenting.  We are constantly learning in life and I have failed in many ways, but am thankful to God for the resilience of  children and His abundance in Grace! 

I am blessed to be free in amazing marriage.  I have a husband who never tries to control the things he can't, but just loves me where I am at. 

Control is a destroyer.  It's a destroyer of marriages, friendships, sisters, brothers, parent to children and visa-versa.    Control can be disguised in many different forms.  I am working on this in my own life and relationship with my kids.  Ridding yourself of any kind of control is freeing.

God did not create us as puppets.  He gave us free will.  He wants us to choose Him because WE LOVE HIM.  He wants us to choose right because we love Him and want to live for Him.  He does not beg us, He does not control us, He never forces it upon us.  He is so good!  I will be trying to choose my actions, whether parenting, wife related, friendship related, on how God specifically deals with me.  Is He controlling, manipulating the situation constantly??  No.  Such a good reminder.  I don't want to be a destroyer of relationships.